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People who text in to the crisis textline where I volunteer as a crisis counselor are often ashamed. So ashamed of things they’ve done or things they can’t stop doing. We listen and reassure them that they aren’t alone. That they’re showing strength, and a determination to live, by reaching out. Sometimes it can help to reframe things.

I hear how angry you are at yourself because you keep cutting when you feel desperate. Maybe another way to look at it is, “I’m suffering. And cutting brings relief. And I don’t want to cut anymore but I still deserve relief.” Taking the shame out of something is so freeing, and it sometimes leads to instant brainstorming about other, safer ways to find peace and relief.

Sometimes I turn the lens on myself, on things I did at times I was suffering, things I’m ashamed of. Maybe another way of looking at it is that you were trying to survive, Allie. And look, you did survive, and you don’t do that anymore. Can you try to be kinder to yourself?

Instead of Depression, by Andrea Gibson

try calling it hibernation.
Imagine the darkness is a cave
in which you will be nurtured
by doing absolutely nothing.
Hibernating animals don’t even dream.
It’s okay if you can’t imagine
Spring. Sleep through the alarm
of the world. Name your hopelessness
a quiet hollow, a place you go
to heal, a den you dug,
Sweetheart, instead
of a grave.

Click here for more information about the astonishing Andrea Gibson. Today’s poem is from From You Better Be Lightning, published in 2021 by Button Poetry.  

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