A Never Before Done Thing: Day Two
Day Two of the month-long challenge proves rocky.
I wake up wanting to do something major and heroic, something that involves the conquering of a lifelong fear. What I have in mind can’t be faced alone, so I lurk by the door waiting to ambush my youthful companion when she comes home.
Me to youthful companion: Thank God you’re home. You have to help me with today’s challenge.
Me: I’m going to do a headstand and I can’t do it alone.
YC: Oh God! No!
Her reaction gives me pause. There is genuine consternation on her face. She is an extremely athletic person with very little physical fear. Can it be that the youthful companion is herself afraid of doing a headstand?
Me: Wait a minute. Are you afraid of doing a headstand?
YC: Hell yes! I’ve never done one.
Me: THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO SAY.
We forge on. Against the wall? Against the couch? In the middle of the room with YC grabbing my legs and hoisting them up?
We, meaning me, decide on the recliner, as it is the only chair in the house with a back tall enough to let me gradually slime down over the top of it so that my head will end up on the seat and my legs up in the air.
Are you out there reading this and thinking with scorn and derision, That’s not how you do a headstand!? If so, I don’t blame you, but still, that’s how my headstand was going to happen.
Was going to happen. Past tense.
YC, upon hearing of the plan: No! Don’t use the recliner!
Me: Why not?
YC: Because it reclines!
The YC is right. The recliner does recline. Not only does it recline, but it reclines fast and also tips entirely over, flinging me off and crashing me to the hardwood floor. MAJOR PAIN ENSUES. The one good outcome is that the YC rushes to my side to see if I’m okay, which makes me feel loved and cared for.
There is an actual dent in my leg from the mishap. We both peer at it in interest.
YC: You should ice that right away.
Me: Are you kidding? I haven’t done the damn headstand yet.
But guess what? All further attempts at a headstand prove fruitless. The YC comes up with a new plan, which involves a yoga chair pose followed by a gradual tip into a headstand. You know, the way yogis do it. This works right up until the gradual tip into a headstand part.
I decide that the tip myself up against the couch plan is, at this point, the best bet.
YC: Kick your legs up! Kick them!
Me: How? HOW?
All efforts prove futile. How do people do headstands, seriously? More to the point, why do they do them? Can’t your spinal cord get mushed, with all that weight on it?
YC: Can’t you please do something else?
Me: Like what?
YC: Have you ever planked?
Me: Oh for God’s sake. Anyone can plank.
YC: That’s not the point. The point is to do something you’ve never done before, right?